


All My Fault

by QueliaQ



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, M/M, Sadstuck, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, im really sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-24
Updated: 2013-07-24
Packaged: 2017-12-21 06:16:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/896818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueliaQ/pseuds/QueliaQ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Dave, in a normal life.</p><p>im REALLY sorry</p>
            </blockquote>





	All My Fault

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alightinspace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alightinspace/gifts).



~10 years prior~  
At the park, Dave seems absorbed in doing absolutely nothing, but his 8 year-old self is actually watching. He is watching everyone, everything in the park because his bro challenged him. He is attempting to keep a wide focus, but he keeps zeroing in on one particular kid. He watched as the boy clad in blue bounces enthusiastically all over the park, sharing greetings with everyone he sees. 

Soon, it was his turn. 

The kid stumbled up to him.

“Hi there! I’m John, I haven’t seen you here before… are you new?” the other kid asked.

“I’m Dave. Not new, just don’t normally hang out at a place like this” He replies evenly, his triangle shades concealing his thoughts 'god he’s cute.’

“Oh, well you should come here more often! It’s really fun to play tag, cherry bomb, lava monster…” John kept listing off obscure games Dave had never heard of. 

“Sorry John, the park is just not a cool place to be.” /Stupid/. Why did he say that? 

“Really?” John stared at him, wide-eyed “well why don’t we hang out somewhere else then? You should come over to my house!”

That was how their friendship started. 

This is how it ends.

 

~The Present~

“Hey Egderp” 

“What, Dave?” John replies, sweat coating his forehead.

“Is this the last box?” Dave asked as he set a bulky box in the dorm room they now share. They had both gotten accepted into the same college, with his Bro agreeing to pull a few strings and get them in the same room before he… before he bit the dust. 

“Dude, we still have like half the truck full of stuff.” John wearily replies.

Dave groans, “can we take a break?” not waiting for a reply, he spread out on the floor.

John sighed reluctantly and sat on a nearby box. Looking around, he realizes that they are at college. Reality hits him and he grins. “Hey Dave”

Lolling his head to face John, Dave lazily asks “What?”

“We’re in college” John says, face breaking into an even bigger grin.

“Yea, I fucking know that” he smirks.

Later, when the apartment is filled with empty boxes sprawled everywhere, they each go into their respective bedrooms, and Dave made up his mind.

He was going to tell him, tomorrow. He is going to tell him what could have been said every day for the past ten years. Now that they’re living together, it really /can’t/ go unsaid. 

When he wakes up, he’s a nervous wreck.

“Hey John… I uh… I need to talk to you” he says weakly.

Worried for his best friend, John went up to him, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, but I have something to say. I’ve been needing to say this for a while. I…I uh… I like you, John.”

“I like you too, silly” John replied, not addressing the nerves in his stomach. 

“No… I think… I think I’m in love with you John.” Dave finally gets out, his voice breaking and his face falling as he sees John’s face go from confusion, then understanding, and finally, amusement. 

 

“Nice one Dave, you almost got me there!” Johns grin fading when he catches sight at Dave. “D- Dave? This was- this was a joke, right?”

All Dave could do is shake his head. 

John’s face somber, “you- you know I’m not a homosexual, right?” 

Dave nods, a single teardrop escaping the confinement of his shades. 

“Dave- I’m sorry, but I don’t feel that way about you…” he was unable to continue as Dave flew out the door, leaving John behind. “Dave wait!”

Dave runs for almost a mile before stopping, finally letting the tears fall. /Why was I so stupid? I should’ve guessed. He’ll never feel the same way. But, whats left? Everything I did was always for John. Or Bro. What can I do? I’m useless/

Worthless. 

He figures out what he needs to do. He gets a cab to the old apartment he had shared with Bro, still vacant and filled with stuff Dave couldn’t bear to see again. He finds a pad of paper, and writes. 

Three simple words.

Then, he finds a rope.

\--

John stepped into the apartment carefully, looking for Dave. He sees the note on the floor:

I’m sorry John.

Getting scared, John steps further into the apartment. His eyes widen and he screams.  
Calling 911, all he can think of is how this was all his fault. /All my fault. He ran away from ME./

His thoughts were much the same the day of Dave’s Funeral. 

In the casket, it was wrong. Daves face was open, exposed. It was the first time John had seen him without his shades, and it made him want to cry even more.

Rose was watching him carefully the entire time.

 

Two days after the funeral, John couldn’t take it anymore. He had been thinking.

He was wrong. When he told Dave he didn’t feel that way. He was so wrong. The ache in his chest hadn’t ebbed, and he finds himself having thoughts of Dave.

The lack of red text on his phone.

The lack of his shades, the ones John had given him. 

The lack of his witty commentary.

The lack of the secret dreams he sometimes had. 

He messed up. He messed up really bad, and now Dave- Dave was dead.

Dave was /dead/ and it was his fault

 

He had been thinking about a note for a while:

It was my fault, forgive me.

He ran, panicked, into the bathroom. There was a full bottle of pills. He poured them into his hand, about to take them when someone burst through the bathroom door.

“John!” Rose said, wasting no time in scattering the pills out of John’s hand.

He grasped for them desperately, then, giving up, started crying. In between his blubbering, incoherent sobs, all Rose could hear was ‘I’m sorry Dave, it was all my fault’ and all she could do was hold him tight, for the first time, not knowing what to do.

**Author's Note:**

> This was for tumblr user alightinspace because we had a sadstuck competition. 
> 
> Don't ever have a sadstuck competition, 0/10 would recommend


End file.
